03.12.07, Envy Mi.
FIRST THING FIRST.
Just like others do: Happy New Year 2008.
( i dont understand… what is exactly the meaning of "new"? everyday is new~
hehe so damn brain of mind~ so brilliant~ so random~ so thinking~
hehe~)
its been awhile since my last random thought to be "type-in-telize", i would like to "type-in-telize" it again. Mybrain cant stop talking! shush!
lets esplore my miind~
MYDAY~ MYDAY~
i slept late before. around 4 or 5. i was busy doing some stuff. then, later tomoro i need to renew my driving license, appointment with the ppl, pick up ordered stuff, help grandpa, proceed another stage of project RJ45, etc. so much to do in so little time.
the plan was wake-up at 7
renew license at 8
appointment at 9
pick up order at 10
project 45 at noon
help grandpa at 4
etc at night
that was the plan, unfortunately, i was busying doing what-is-it-i-also-dont-know.
i wake up at 7
i renew mylicense at 8.30, but i was late to go. i skip renewing the license and go to appointment with them in gadong. then, gone to airport lama to pick up stuff from Usa.
i dont know why i renewed my license di land transport which is wasting my time, instead of post office i just been. all in all, i feel guilty to myself for being irrelevant.
i take mynumber at 10am, current number 1030. mine is 1054. instead of giving up i stay there and wait. but then, as im looking for seat i met an angle there. hehe. i was quite surprise to see sweet angle there. looks like her bro just got lesen. awh~ for sure meeting angle is the best part of d day.
awhh~
i wait and wait. i can feel the burning of my every minute, every second wasted. likewise, i dont have later. i dont have tomoro.
at 11am the number was 1036! i keep patience. then, at 11.05 the number was 1050. then my number called after short time. it might be sound silly but i was there. watching and observing every detail. im not surprise. they dont want work time interfere lunch time… its human nature, for some.
here comes the worst part, 2 counter was open. i was serve in one, an old man at other. due to respect i ignore the old men be "friendly" the counter lady. uhh~
then, as i finish my thing, i just need to record my data to book by myself. the book was infront of me. then, he took that book without even asking or telling. urgh! i didnt say. i just give face to that old man to record his detail. sklinya, he dont let go of the book. he wait until the counter lady give back his detail. i just patience. then, she give back his detail. guess what, he hold on to the book, wait for his son detail. uhh?
know what i gonna say? i want to say: "Pachi… baik talan buku aa!" but i didnt.
cause i know, even if i say, it wont do anything good.
i didnt have chance to lose temper. i dont have time to be exact. i just ask him, he dont even feel sorry. slumberly he gave me that book. oh goodness! but i dont have time to response to any of his rudeness. cause this kind, its selffish.
hehe. im not exagerating, i feel sorry for that old man. immoral at his peak. hmph!
i helps grandpa at 4.30 pm, until night. i didnt do my etc, project RJ45. i was and am tired. oh oh, on the parking lot, ada couple fighting. old couple talk-fight. the husband is winning. haha atupun di gtau. 
because, i realise, i wont be like that.
there is reason for every action~ 
03.12.07, ENVY ME.
it was my birthday. 21th. there she was, smilling like when the ocean touches the sand. (uh?)
what happen those day… just stay in me. on the moment we met, ntil the moment we left. i dont need to type-in here. otherwise, it wont be beautiful. i remember every detail, like u dont know me~ heh. from the moment the walk up that stair until she get into her car. from the moment i stare those eyes to the moment i lose it. from the moment she start to gigle to the moment i start to realize it. from the moment she speaks to the moment she stunned. those moment i treasured~
what makes tomoro special is because of yesterday’s story.
SUATU MASA.
i was wondering, in time, what would bunei look like? how or what could happen to this bunei? in time…
last night, after A+ klass, around 10. We havnt move from our seat cause we fell jobs not well done last night. We try to install Window NT server, Window 2000 professional… but couldnt. Win NT dapat di install arah computer ku… tapi computer si azim nda dapat. yatah we stay and try to figure why the comp cant install NT or 2000 tu.
Instead of troubleshooting comp tu, we talk and discuss other thing plg. Left there… me, zulazim and hajikam.
Usually when having conversation with hajikam ni, ppl will try to runaway… hehe, meaning, if he start to talk, he will never stop. what i like about what he said is it gets me thinking.
tapi mostlikely, what he said is true. we tend to ignore or close our eyes from seeing reality.
I never been to indonesia, but segi logiknya and koman cinnya… yesh! (apa yes?! hehe)
in indonesia, the country wont develop without help from foreigners. yesh! most of the business there setup by not-indon. yesh! what i know, most business sana atu setup by singaporean, malaysian. yatahkan… where do the local go? where the local be? what did the local do? sori to say, the local majority jadi kuli. kuli i mean foreigners employee catu. even if the local have super-degree, super-master, super-doctor… they still employee. yesh! its like, u are pond in ur own chess-game. (huh?)
because of the foreginer, the country develop like what u seen or known. the local can develop on their on if they just have own resources or own money.
or maybe its just my thought.
then, when come to us… bunei do developing. but 1 day in developing countries, 10 years in bunei time. its true jua… :s
the money is wasted on that obviously unprofitable. lot of example~ while some are cheating on the gov money. the only money gets this nation grow up.
like, on my previous entry. money on the imac on every school. then, the money on whatsoever that is clearly wasting. as result, the money unlikely do any public goods.
there is this road, somewhere in bandar. it been like that since 5 years ago. i feel ashame when i look and drive on that road. where is the eyes? whom to be blame? urgh~
moral of the story:
i have friend. my friend have sister. this sister is got degrees. academically i mean. she got 2 degree, one in dentistry, one in administration or something2. this friend said that sister got those degrees for 7 or 9 years, im not sure.
then, after long years of study, she comeback here and worked. guess what, she got $3k per month. see? u know if not-here, how much u can get with that kind of qualification? fhew~
my point is ppl dont appreciate ppl. then, the practise goes on and on. someday, nobody appreciate anybody. ppl will blame on each other instead of working together. jealousy was and is there. selfish birth in everybody.
sometimes, some ppl are good at this something. but this ppl are fit into wrong place at wrong time. bachelor of biochemist work in mfa. this stuff happen.
Another a friend of mine, he was pointed as a Head of Student Affair. that position is big. bigger than head of department or ur head. bigger than usual lecture la. then, the responsibilities is huge. but the income he receive, same like those lect who come at 8 morn and go at 4.30 afternoon. its unfair jua tu. ( he said it, not me ). then, come his positive thought… yada yada yada~ itulah inilah~ uhh~
make it worst, he gotta teach 2 subject for the rest of semester. see~?
one thing, ppl dont appreciate ppl. another, ppl doesnt deserve to be serve like that.
that was just what i know, and what my thought tells me.
some-not-buneian-friend once ask me. "what do bunei have that other countries dont?". the questions thrown at me get more and more interesting. i was stunned by some.
maybe its just me who dont know how to bluff.
the development here its like, a little star who want to shine at daylight.
damn i just create a perfect metaphor. hehe :p
in time, what would or could happen to my future generation?
what should i do to make it better future? how can i serve this country at my best?
back to last night story:
it is true of what he said. he said, and i agree:
"IF something goes wrong…"
by mean, he refering to bunei.
improper management, where can it lead us?
he also said, and i quote:
"Gunung mun tiap2 hari di cangkul, runtuh jua…"
refering to the dollar.
the conversation on and on until 11.30 pm.
hajikam said, and i quote, my favorite phase of the night:
"indung terpaksa tah berkorban jua~"(korban? udah jua hari raya korban~ hmm?)
COMP-FUSE-SION before my RANDOM.
sometimes… we make it hard on ppl, so we dont want to see ourselves get hurt by other, but instead, we hurt other.
sometimes… we afraid to show, because what we feel in the end, it doesnt do any good.
sometimes… heart see more clearly than the brain.
sometimes… the more we want to see, the blurry it became.
sometimes… the only way to get close is by keeping distance.
sometimes… the answer is infront of us. we just need to dig deep.
sometimes… small can make bid difference.
sometimes… we crave to be almost perfect, when we know nothing is perfect.
sometimes… we tend to see mistake in other while we are on the wrong side.
sometimes… what we want isnt what we need, but what we need is what we want.
sometimes… its better to know and not tell instead of not knowing but tell.
sometimes… try is not an option, either do or not do.
sometimes… we need to try. we never know.
sometimes… all in those hope, we need to have is faith.
and sometimes… when i become like, pls try to stop me.
i found this video about utada hikaru song’s, first love, instrumental piano version. makes me realize how missing i am to that piano. 
its not like ppl will read this jua kan~
- crab out -
